


What's a Prairie Oyster?

by Toro_Akuma



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: I Can't Believe I Wrote This, My First Fanfic, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:46:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22206577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toro_Akuma/pseuds/Toro_Akuma
Summary: I thought of this amazing fic and I decided to share it with all of you. You're welcome. It's a wild ride.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 16





	What's a Prairie Oyster?

"Heather?" Veronica called out, walking through the door with JD. "Heather?"

" _What?_ " Heather groaned, her head was pounding. _Why the hell did I drink so much?_ Heather thought. 

"It's Veronica, I'm here to apologize," Veronica said, shuffling around Heather's house. 

"Hope ya brought kneepads, bitch," Heather snarked, sitting up in her bed. "Fix me a prairie oyster and I'll think about it." 

Veronica walked into the kitchen. "What's in a prairie oyster? Oh! Wait, uhm, raw eggs-"

"Worcestershire, salt, and pepper." JD finished, grabbing the ingredients out of the cabinet.

"You know your hangover cures," Veronica remarked. 

"My dad trained me well," JD replied.

"Okay, okay, here's my revenge," Veronica exclaimed, holding the cup that contained the hangover cure. "I'm gonna put a phlegm glob in her prairie oyster and she'll never know." Veronica then proceeded to attempt to do so. 

"I've got a better idea," JD stated. "What if we switch out the prairie oyster for..." JD turned around and presented a bottle of grape juice. " **GRAPE JUICE!** " Veronica stared at him blankly. 

"Really JD? Grape juice? That's your big plan?" Veronica asked, genuinely dumbfounded. She didn't know what she expected, but it _definitely_ was not that. 

"Would you prefer Draino?" JD suggested, holding up the bottle of the blue liquid. "I mean, it _would_ end her hangover..."

"Don't be a dick," Veronica said, looking at JD disapprovingly. "That stuff would kill her." 

"I was just joking, but I still think the grape juice was an amazing idea," JD replied, putting the Draino away. 

"Heather would never drink it, she'd see the color." Veronica pointed out, gesturing to the glass filled with a deep purple liquid. 

"Then we'll just," JD explained, reaching into a cupboard. "Use a mug, that way, she'll have no idea what she's drinking." 

"I'd rather not get into more trouble with her than I already am," Veronica said.

"PRAIRIE OYSTER!!!" Heather screeched. "C H O P! C H O P!"

Veronica stepped away from JD, grabbing a mug. "Veronica, you-"

"What?" Veronica asked, tilting her head. 

"Nevermind..." JD answered with a barely concealed smirk. Veronica chuckled and walked toward Heather's bedroom. 

"Good morning, Heather." Veronica greeted, walking into the bedroom where Heather Chandler lay sprawled out on her bed. 

"Awww, Veronica... and Jesse James. Quelle surprise." Heather Chandler drawled. "Well? Let's get to it. Beg." Heather crossed her legs, waiting for a reply.

"Okay, well, I-I think that last night, we both said a lot of things-"

"Iactually would prefer you did this on your knees, in front of your boy toy, here," Heather said with faux innocence. 

"I-I'm really sorry-" Veronica was interrupted by Heather laughing. 

"Do I look like I'm kidding? _Down._ " Heather demanded, leaning forward. Veronica knelt down in front of Heather. "Nice. But you're still dead to me." Heather said, taking the cup out of Veronica's hands. 

Heather drank from the cup with an unimpressed stare, while JD was barely containing his snickers. She swallowed before her eyes widened. Shortly, her shock morphed into confusion. She looked into the mug, raising a single eyebrow. Veronica watched in confusion while JD was highly amused. 

"What. The. _Fuck._ Is. This?" She questioned. "It surely isn't a prairie oyster, that's for damn sure. What is this? Is that... Is that **_g_** _ **rape juice**??? _What the hell? Is this some sort of joke?" Heather was fuming, Veronica swore she could see smoke coming out of Heather's ears. 

"Yep, 100%, pure grape juice. You had it in your refrigerator, so I figured I would use it." JD said sarcastically. He was grinning from ear to ear, not bothering to contain his laughter. Suddenly, JD stopped laughing. He looked horrified in a matter of seconds.

"What the hell...?" Both Veronica and JD were speechless as Heather collapsed onto the bed. Both 17-year-olds were shocked. What the fuck just happened?

Veronica quickly snapped out of the daze and jumped into action. She checked for Heather's pulse. 

"She's... She's dead... There's no pulse..." Veronica murmured. She couldn't believe it. _Grape juice_ just killed her best friend. 

"What the hell did you do, JD?!" Veronica shouted, whipping around to see a startled JD. "Did you use the Draino? I thought you said it was just grape juice?!" 

"I... I have no idea what just happened..." JD said, still in a trance. He felt numb. He had just killed a person. On accident. Using grape juice. 

Suddenly, "What's up, motherfuckerz." JD and Veronica yelped in surprise. 

"WHAT THE FUCK?!?!" Veronica shrieked. "YOU WERE JUST DEAD A FEW SECONDS AGO!"

"You're alive... Oh my God..." JD murmured. Heather smirked.

"Speaking of God, I met him. He's a pretty cool dude if you ask me." Heather said nonchalantly. Veronica and JD just stood there, gaping at her. "What? Is there something on my face?"

**Author's Note:**

> I have created a masterpiece (monstrosity). You're welcome. This just randomly popped into my head while I was drinking grape juice. I didn't originally plan on making Heather die, but it totally worked out.


End file.
